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 3 The New Job - Riverboat Justice 

Copyright 1992, 1994 by Dorian Scott Cole

INT. RIVERBOAT CASINO - DAY 

Adrian and Dino walk through the crowded casino. Dino takes an amulet from around his neck, spins it, lets it stop, looks at it then goes to a slot machine. As he pulls the handle down, Adrian grabs him by the collar and pulls him out. 

INT. RIVERBOAT ENTERTAINMENT OFFICE - DAY 

Cecillia is leaning over a filing cabinet, filing. Adrian and Dino stand in the doorway and admire. After a moment she senses she is being watched and looks at them.

CECILLIA 
Can I help you?
ADRIAN 
I understand you're looking for 

entertainers.

CECILLIA 
I only have one opening.
Adrian and Dino look at each other and mouth the word "one." She offers them chairs, one in front of her desk and one in the corner, and she sits behind her desk. Adrian and Dino try to sit in the same chair, in front of her desk, and end up sharing it back to back.
CECILLIA 
OK, tell me about yourselves. You 
escaped from where?
ADRIAN 
Tucson. 
DINO 
We design things that kill people.
ADRIAN 
But we hide them well.
DINO 
Military things.
CECILLIA 
So you're engineers, and you want to be entertainers..... OK. What brings you to St. Louis? Your horoscope?
DINO 
Motorcycles.
ADRIAN 
Don't pay any attention to him. He 
was brain damaged by psychoactive drugs. We put it in the warheads. 
I used to live here when I was a kid. 
CECILLIA 
Oh, so you have family here?
ADRIAN 
No, they're all dead.
DINO 
He poisoned them all.
Cecillia bites her lip and looks down, stifling a chuckle. Adrian elbows Dino and he falls off the chair. He gets back on the chair. 
ADRIAN 
He's like that some days.... 
Psychoactive drugs.
CECILLIA 
Just what kind of entertainment 
do you do? Comedy?
ADRIAN 
I'm a magician.
DINO 
I'm a stand-up comic. I'm better.
CECILLIA 
Do you have experience?
DINO 
I worked my way through college as a comic.
ADRIAN 
He flunked out. I worked my way 
through high school and college.
DINO 
He was kicked out of both.
CECILLIA 
We have an audition set up for tonight at eight. Could you make that?
ADRIAN 
Will there be an audience?
CECILLIA 
Ship's crew. Maybe a few diners.
ADRIAN 
Great! I'll find some props.
CECILLIA 
You will be competing against each other. I only have one opening.
ADRIAN 
Really? I must have missed that.
Dino gets up and goes around the desk.
DINO 
Can I talk to you privately? Is there a brig in the bottom of this ship?
CECILLIA 
Boat. You want to be on a ship, 
join the Navy.
DINO 
He's an escape artist and I want to lock him up. Seven thirty - it can be part of his act.
ADRIAN 
Hey, no way. Last time you melted 
solder in the lock and it wouldn't open. 
   Never trust this guy. Never.
Cecillia looks at the two of them. 
CECILLIA 
You two ever work together? You're such a team - a funny team. How about a magic, comedy act? Novel. 
   Think you could pull that off?
ADRIAN 
Sure, we could be a team. He can carry my props.
Dino comes from around the desk and pushes him toward the door. 
DINO 
Come on, get out of here - we got the audition. 
   See you at eight.
INT. RIVERBOAT'S ENTERTAINMENT ROOM BACKSTAGE - NIGHT 

Cecillia is looking at her watch. A pianist is just finishing his act. Adrian and Dino rush in dressed in a magician and assistant's clothing.

CECILLIA 
Are you always this punctual?
DINO 
Oh.... Always.
CECILLIA 
I was afraid of that. It's time for you to go on. Who shall I introduce you as?
ADRIAN 
Marlin and Heckler.
CECILLIA 
Don't you mean Merlin? Merlin was a magician. Marlin is a game fish.
ADRIAN 
Marlin. What would you expect in a magic comedy act on a boat?
INT. RIVERBOAT ENTERTAINMENT LOUNGE - NIGHT 

Cecillia enters the stage to introduce the act to the small audience. Captain Nelson is present. Marlin goes on stage, but stays behind her to one side or the other, annoying her. 

CECILLIA 
This next act is a fresh new magic comedy act. Marlin and Heckler.
She turns to present Heckler's entrance, but Heckler approaches from the audience. She throws up her hands in despair and leaves the stage. 
HECKLER 
This is my first and last magic act with you. I'm getting off this boat at the next port. 
MARLIN 
Why? This is your first cruise.
HECKLER 
I saw you in the pilot house. The Pilot was letting you steer.
MARLIN 
You're jealous.
HECKLER 
The boat was going down the river 
sideways!
MARLIN 
I was just getting a feel for it.
HECKLER 
I suppose going backwards was part of of getting a feel for it. Is this a ballet? 
Pirouetting down the river?
MARLIN 
Pirouettes take enormous skill. 
This is destiny. 
HECKLER 
You were born to be a riverboat pilot? 
MARLIN 
I was born to make you disappear. 
It's the only way to shut you up.
HECKLER 
All right, do it. Make me disappear. Put me into the ether somewhere, and don't expect me to support any of your flimflam tricks either. If you hide me in the back of some box, I'll let everyone see me.
MARLIN 
They don't want to see you, they came to see me. Now, just stand right there. 
HECKLER 
Aren't you going to put me in a box?
MARLIN 
Do you want to be in a box?
HECKLER 
No, I just thought I had to be in a box. 
Marlin pulls out a scarlet curtain on a circular frame. The interior is black. 
HECKLER 
What is that?
MARLIN 
It's a curtain. I'm going to wrap the 
curtain around you and when I take it down, you will be gone.
Heckler looks down and stomps on the floor, looking for a trap door. Heckler has an audience member come up and check out the curtain and the floor, then the person goes back to his seat. The lights dim, and a spot light comes on illuminating Marlin and Heckler. Marlin then pulls the scarlet curtain ceremoniously around Heckler. Marlin takes out a sword. 
MARLIN 
Are you there?
HECKLER 
Of course, you fraud.
MARLIN 
This should shut you up!
He sticks the sword through the curtain in several places, then releases the top of the curtain from the frame and the curtain falls to the ground. Marlin steps into the empty frame and takes a bow. Marlin shoves the frame to one side. 
MARLIN 
Are you there?
HECKLER 
When are you going to do the trick?
MARLIN 
(to audience) 
Is he here?
AUDIENCE 
No.
MARLIN 
See, you don't even know where you are. 
HECKLER 
All I have to do is walk through this 
curtain. See, I'll show everyone... Oh! 
Where am I? I can't see anyone.
MARLIN 
You're in the ether, you're nowhere, just where you belong.
HECKLER 
Well get me back! This isn't funny, bring me back.
MARLIN 
Bringing you back is a lot more difficult. What's in it for me? 
HECKLER 
I'll... fix you up with Mary.
MARLIN 
No way, that lady sucks the ink out of pens. She has a blue tongue. Last date you had with her, you came home covered in blue polka dots from head to toe.
HECKLER 
You're just jealous.
ADRIAN 
Tell you what, I'll bring you back if you admit I made you disappear. 
HECKLER 
OK, you did it! Now bring me back to reality!
MARLIN 
Now there's a challenge!
   I'm going to reach out and you take my hand and I'll pull you back to reality. 
HECKLER 
I don't see your hand.
MARLIN 
You have to believe. Just reach out 
and take my hand.
Marlin makes magical movements and fluorescent lights fade on, with strobes, reflecting off fluorescent colors in the curtains. Marlin bends on one knee, reaches to the side and slightly upward, making summoning motions. After a moment a hand is in his. He pulls slowly toward him and Heckler slowly appears as if being pulled from nowhere. (See END for trick description.)

Captain Nelson claps loudly with the rest, rises from his seat and approaches the stage to shake their hands.

NELSON 
Adrian? What are you doing in this 
magic act? I've been waiting for your call.
ADRIAN 
Captain Nelson - 
CECILLIA 
You know these two? I was about to offer them a job.
NELSON 
Yes, Adrian is a friend of mine. 
(To Adrian) 
I was expecting a call - I had no idea you would take me up on it so soon. 
ADRIAN 
Things uncomplicated themselves in a hurry. Actually I was considering a career change - I'm tired of the rules of war.
NELSON 
Then you're serious about this magic act? 
Adrian nods.
NELSON
If that's what you really want, why didn't you come straight to me? I would have given you just about any job on the boat.
ADRIAN 
I wanted to see if Dino and I still had it. 
CECILLIA 
You two are full of it. Captain, having these two cheese balls on board will be like having two kittens around.
Cecillia grabs Adrian around the neck.
NELSON 
This one here is like a son to me. His daddy and I used to ride together back when we were motorcycle cops.
INT. RIVERBOAT'S HOLD - DAY 

Captain Nelson is giving Adrian and Dino a tour of the boat.

NELSON 
This is the hold. This boat was built to carry 2000 tons of freight, but we don't carry much freight, so you can use the space if you like. Work up new routines, build props, whatever.
ADRIAN 
Could we put our motorcycles in here? 
NELSON 
Yes, but you have to drain the gas from the tanks and store it in the fuel room which is kept locked. 
Why would you want to put them on board? 
ADRIAN 
We want to stay.... out of sight.
NELSON 
Are you in some kind of trouble?
ADRIAN 
We left that all behind.
The Captain eyes him suspiciously.
NELSON 
Being a riverboat Captain was a dream I had since I was a boy. I grew up along the river, got on as a crew member, worked my way up to pilot, but riverboats were dinosaurs. 
   There were no Captain's jobs and Congress legislated these things out for safety reasons like so much flotsam. It damn near killed me, so I became a motorcycle cop. I never dreamed I would get this opportunity again. 
   My point is, you either get on the river because you love it, or you're hiding from something. I was a cop too long to believe you suddenly fell in love with the river. What are you hiding?
ADRIAN 
(Beat) 
We had to leave the industry because arms dealers were after us. But I wanted to leave it anyway.
NELSON 
You're hiding from arms dealers? 
   Merciful God, I've traded organized crime for arms dealers. This is a riverboat. We ease down the middle of the river driven by a paddlewheel, like a sitting duck! We carry fifty crew members and hundreds of passengers. 
   Arms dealers could sink this entire boat with one round.
DINO 
Sounds like destiny. You know, I've been studying this ancient Mayan calendar. Destiny goes in cycles like this.
ADRIAN 
You got that calendar in the mail with your picture on it. The only destiny involved is that company taking your money.
DINO 
That was a gift from my grandfather. He's a genuine Mayan - lives in 
southern Mexico. 
   So, Captain, do you still want us? 
NELSON 
(Beat. Studies Adrian) 
If I didn't know you.... 
   Inside sources at the police department tell me that Zigler Concessions got raided last week. The police had an undercover man in there getting evidence.
ADRIAN 
What is this Zigler supposedly doing?
NELSON 
I don't know. But I suspect they're being controlled by organized crime, and concessions could be their ticket to cocaine distribution on riverboats - they can't get into our gambling so they want to get some piece of the action.
ADRIAN 
With your contacts in the department, can you get me hooked up with whoever was working undercover?
NELSON 
You don't know what you're asking. They don't tell who was working 
undercover.
ADRIAN 
Surely you have contacts you can trust in the department, men who respect you, respected my father. 
NELSON 
I'll try. In the meantime, I have my 
security people watching Zigler. There's a limo that visits there too often.
ADRIAN 
Have you run the tags through the police computer?
NELSON 
If it's organized crime, they may have contacts in the department. Running the tags might alert them. I need to keep us out of it.
ADRIAN 
I'll find out who it belongs to.
Next: 4 Motive

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